i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Randomize
