the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
