what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
