True but thats because hes a fetus.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
