I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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