So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
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