so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
