just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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