it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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