so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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