I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
