o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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