I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
