He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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