i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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