even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
