i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
