my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
