weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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