apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Someone shattered a urinal.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
