I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she smelled like a LAN party
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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