there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
