nut hugger
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
