So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
