My first STD was from a foam party
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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