it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
