What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
