At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
