The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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