I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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