I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
