how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
