The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
