I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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