Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
