Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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