my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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