I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
