Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
