You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
