So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
