I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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