happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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