Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
