Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
