I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
