Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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