So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
