Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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