i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
