So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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