I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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